Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Many Meanings of Flip Flopping...

The term Flip Flopping is something that probably won’t be included in the Ontario sex-ed curriculum once it is updated to teach 3rd grader’s about the big nasty world of the gay; regardless it is perhaps a term that every Ontarian should now know its definition of.

In the gay world flip-flopping is when two men (lets assume they are partners, and maybe, depending on where they live in North America lucky enough to be considered husband and husband) take turns penetrating each other. This is what we gays like to call a flip flop f*ck and this versatility is one of the many reasons, of which sharing bow-ties and face-cream are others, that being gay is awesome. Just think of the penetrative combinations the average gay couple’s sex life includes; who's on first is NOT a common question being asked in gay bedrooms across the nation, rather the question asked is: who's doing who first? Straights, most of the time, I feel bad for you as it must really suck to be constrained by single-partner penetrative sex [SPP] (unless of course you’re with a straight man who enjoys anal play, in which case all the more power to you) and I’m sorry to the lesbians reading this who may or may not have penetrate intercourse. Munch on.

In politics, however, a flip-flop means something completely different, obviously; and furthermore, get that visual image of Dalton McGuinty and George Smitherman flip flopping on the health tax credit out of your head. Ew. In politics flip flopping refers to political leaders who approve a policy before clawing back on said policy; this claw back is often due to demands from special interest groups. "Dalton really flip-flopped on Transit City," would be one example of a political flip flop. Occasional flip flopping on Sean Cody would define the gay meaning.

Now it appears as if Dalton McGuinty, current Premier of Ontario has flip flopped, politically, over something much less graphic then flip flop f*cking. Updating our sex-ed curriculum to teach Grade 1's proper body names for their private parts is suddenly too much for our government which found itself on the wrong side of special interest, mostly religious minority groups. I mean won't someone please think of the children?

Anyway I haven’t read all of the proposed and "scary" changes that Dalton McGuinty approved to provincially mandated sex-ed curriculum, before he rescinded them, but apparently they were going to teach 3rd graders that gay people exist. GASP. And then in grade six the province was going to talk about vaginal lubrication, anal sex and masturbation. Scary stuff that. When I was in grade nine my gym teacher introduced anal sex as a risky sex activity. When someone asked why two men would have sex with each other in the bum, he responded by saying: “well there’s no other hole you have to make do with what you have.” Touche.

People in Ontario should meet a Colorado third grader by the name of Ethan McNamee. In 2009 Ethan arranged a same-sex marriage rally as an independent class project. Ethan was concerned about the issue after hearing about anti-gay remarks on the playground. Then he learned about a same sex couple in his neighborhood that couldn't get married because uhm... they're gay and the American's don't allow such things as gay marriage. "Everybody is different in a good way," he said.

If a kid in Colorado can stump for same-sex marriage, certainly, the good people of Ontario can handle their kids learning about gay people. Jesus, its not like I'm asking the province to teach children about flip-flopping; after all McGuinty's already done a good job on that one.

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